I have dark fantasies. Very twisted dark fantasies. Do you? You know that fucking annoying Elf on a Shelf. I dreamed I snuffed him out. Oh, and his annoying twat waffle owner. I am friends with this dip shit blonde named Angel. She thinks it is fun to post annoying pictures daily of her Elf on a Shelf all over the house. One day the creepy mother fucker was driving her car and smoking a stogie. The next day he was on the toilet taking a dump. Another day he was riding the dog like a horse. Silly stupid shit that clogs my fucking Facebook feed. I guess my anger manifested itself into a snuff roleplay dream. I woke up feeling like I had that Elf’s blood on my hands. Killing him felt so real. I got on Facebook like we all do every morning. I saw Angel whining about someone kidnapping her stupid Elf on a Shelf. I guess I was not the only one that wanted that evil doll dead and gone. As I made myself to my bathroom, I noticed a trail of blood. I know I am a sick bitch, but I don’t usually kill in my own home. Besides, when I am in a murderous rage, I remember my kills. I followed the trail of blood into the bathroom. I discovered my friend’s asshole Elf on a Shelf pinned to the wall with a big old knife. The annoying mother fucker was covered in blood and dead as a door nail. There was a note that said, “Merry Christmas,” Love Michael. I don’t know any Michaels. Someone did me a solid by knocking off that damn Elf before me, but who? It perplexed me for a few days, until I was scrolling through my pictures on my phone and saw the picture below. Michael Myers killed that Elf on a Shelf for me and used my cell phone to capture the moment. Now, I just have to bitch and complain about one of you. Who will Michael kill for me next?
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