Even submissive women enjoy dark fantasies sometimes. I will admit to possessing some revenge fantasies, especially for my father. And sometimes my ex-husband too. Both men did not operate with safe words. They never thought about me or my needs. I served as a cum dumpster to them.
I think most women harbor revenge fantasies for men who abused them. Perhaps it’s a necessary step in the healing process. I often masturbate thinking about setting a honey trap for dear old dad or my ex-husband. I know not knowing where I am or what happened to me, likely drives them crazy. Both men controlled every aspect of my world and violated my trust daily.
So, when I fantasize about revenge, it often involves CBT phone sex. I think about surprising both dad and my ex-husband with a big old knife. And I keep it under the mattress for the element of surprise. And just before they penetrate me in a forcible fashion, I either slice the balls off or take the whole kit and caboodle. I so want to bask in their pain like they did mine. I want their blood to splatter my body and take the chill out of the air.
Revenge Fuels My Dark Desires
But more importantly, I fantasize about the ultimate revenge. If I take the cock or the balls or both, I render a man helpless. He can’t do anything to hurt me anymore. Castration literally takes the wind out of a predator’s sails, which explains why I enjoy the fantasy so much. My therapist thinks I need a surrogate for these dark desires of revenge.
But she does not know I’ve tried to castrate a couple men unsuccessfully. Either I chickened out or they saw me coming a mile away. Using surrogates can work. In the past, I deflated a couple balls and carved my initials into one guy ‘s cock. Although it felt fulfilling, in the moment, it did not provide me with the cathartic release I needed.
So, until I experience a chance meeting with either my ex-husband or my father, a taboo roleplay must suffice. And I may never get over my desire for revenge.
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